White Gold Crosses
by milk carton mug-shot
Summary: Remus Lupin is going into his seventh year with feelings that he shouldn't have. He is so in love with Sirius Black, that it soon becomes to much for the young werewolf. RL/SB some JP/LE
1. White Gold Cross

**Disclaimer: **I, nor does anyone else, own Harry Potter or any of the characters made by J.K. Rowling. I only own the plot, and the OC's.

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"_**Fight till the last gasp."**_

_**Shakespeare**_

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Remus Lupin was glaring into the mirror that hung above the dresser in his room.

He hated his hair. Not the color, he liked the rich auburn because he thought it looked nice with his light brown eyes. No, he hated the length. He was tired of having to brush it every morning, tired of wincing when he came across a knot at the back of his head. Prongs, Wormtail, and most importantly Padfoot thought that he looked good, but he just couldn't put up with his shoulder length locks anymore.

No, they had to go.

He looked down to his right hand where a pair of bronze scissors lay beneath his palm. Sighing, he picked them up and placed his thumb, index, and middle finger into the required place. Remus lifted his eyes to his reflection once more and watched as he raised his left hand and held up a lock of hair, putting it between the mouth of the scissors, and cut.

He thought that he would feel some pain at the loss, but he felt free, like he finally had control over something in his life. He grinned at himself and cut the hair higher, to his eyebrow. The werewolf cut and cut, not once wincing like he expected he would every time. In fact, he thought he was doing a damn good job. Everything was falling into place exactly like he hoped that it would.

When Remus finished his work he placed the scissors back on the top of the dresser and looked at his handy work. His hair was now parted to the right, giving it more depth. The bangs fell right above his eyes, the left side longer, reaching the bottom of his ear. He pushed them apart and settled them to the side of his face, framing it neatly. The back was much shorter, almost like a buzz cut which slowly got shorter the farther down his head it went.

He grinned again at himself and sighed in satisfaction.

He took a step toward his bed and cringed at the feeling on his bare feet and looked down to see his hair, freshly cut and laying all over the floor. He sighed, this time in annoyance, knowing that he would have to clean this up the Muggle way because his seventeenth birthday was still three days away. He picked up the scissors and placed them back in the top drawer of his desk and ran down the rickety stairs to the cupboard where they kept the dust pan.

"Hey, nice hair," his father, John, said giving him the thumbs up.

"Thanks Dad," Remus replied, grabbing the broom and dust pan and running back up to his room.

He gasped when he opened the door to see that the mess was much more than he had thought. There was hair everywhere! It looked like he had thrown it all over the place in his joy to finally get rid of it. He sighed again and thought of what could be the cause of the mess. The full moon was tonight and he could feel the wolf inside of him waiting to unleash itself.

Remus walked over the hair to his record player, knowing that music would help speed up the process that awaited him. He wiggled his hips as he began sweeping to the beat of the music.

He was just putting the last of the hair into the pail when the image of Sirius smiling at him made his heart flutter. The werewolf boy had finally admitted to himself last year that he did indeed fancy his best friend. He knew nothing would ever happen, of course. It was Sirius Black for Merlin's sake! God's gift to girls, not to blokes, with his long ebony hair that fell wildly around his face and his toothy grin that could make anyone's heart flutter.

Remus's favourite part of Sirius was neither of those traits.

He favoured the wizard's eyes, stormy grey with a tint of blue in them. Sirius could try and mask his feelings with a grin or a joke but Remus knew that his eyes always told the truth, often giving him away when they would have one of their many late night talks.

Remus smiled at the thought of having those late night talks again. He missed them deeply.

He had just walked back into his bedroom when he heard a 'hoot' from the window. Immediately, he recognized it as Sirius's owl. He walked to the bird in a slow pace, knowing that if he ran at it, it would bite him when he tried taking the letter. He pulled the envelope from the owl's beak, replacing it with an owl treat. It hooted gratefully and flew over to his own owl's cage and helped itself to water and food.

Remus ripped open the letter and began to read:

_Moony, _

_How are you doing? Me and James are thinking about you. We hope that your furry little problem isn't being too much trouble this month as we know how you said last month was the worst in a while. We're both hoping that this one will be better. We're sorry that we can't be there with you._

_Happy early birthday! I know that it's not for three days. I will get to see you on your birthday, but wishing it at Kings Cross is so boring considering your birthday is September 1__st__. _

_See you soon!_

_Padfoot. _

Remus smiled at the letter and sat down at his desk to pen one back. He looked up to the clock above his door and saw that moon rise was only five minutes away …where had the time gone?

He sighed and raised himself from his chair and started to make his way down to his basement where the silver cage awaited him. The boy undressed himself, not wanting to rip any of his clothing and clambered inside.

He knew that he would bite himself tonight.

He shivered as he felt the moonlight hit his foot, feeling the wolf in him getting stronger and stronger, begging to take its form and take over Remus entirely…

--*--

Remus awoke the next morning laying in his own bed, still wearing no clothes. He winced as he moved into a sitting position to look at the bites he knew he had. _He looked down to his arms and saw the nasty red teeth marks and cuts along them, upon further inspection, he saw that he had scratched himself more than he had bitten himself, thankfully._ The cuts healed much faster than the bites.

He walked to the mirror and looked at his back, spotting a large bite mark along his spine. He whimpered and walked to his dresser, grabbing a pair of sweatpants and a loose t-shirt before climbing down the stairs to get some much needed chocolate and food.

Remus cracked a smile when he walked into the kitchen to find his father making a chocolate fondue.

"Thought you could use this. It was a rough night," he said, placing it in front of a very impatient and very hungry Remus.

"Yeah," the boy choked out. His voice was gone. He looked to his father to see him nodding, looking sad.

Remus nodded his head and dipped a strawberry into the fondue. The wolf hated the cage and often howled at the moon all night. His throat was sore as he swallowed, but he instantly felt himself get somewhat better as the chocolate hit his tongue.

--*--

Remus was running through Kings Cross station, pushing people out of his way and shouting rushed apologies over his shoulder. He was late, very, very late. He couldn't believe it. Remus John Lupin was never late for anything, ever.

He ran as fast as he could between platforms nine and ten, not bothering to see if anyone was looking. He didn't care, there were only two minutes to catch the train.

He sighed in relief when he saw the bright red train in front of him.

A man took his trunk and owl from his hands and then nodded to the distressed boy. The last three days had been total chaos. He didn't even have time to give Sirius a proper reply to his letter, just telling him that he would answer every question he could think of when he saw him on the train.

His mother had come back.

After nearly eight years, she had finally come back.

Remus, of course, was not happy about this. His dad on the other hand…well saying that he was ecstatic was an understatement. He still loved her, even though she left when they found out that Remus was a werewolf.

She had instantly taken over the house, making Remus do this and do that. He hardly had time to sleep, which was why he was late. He had been so tired last night that he had slept through an hour and a half of his alarm clock, finally waking up to pounding on his locked door and a deafening ring from the clock.

Remus had been so flustered that he had even forgotten that it was his seventeenth birthday and that he could use magic. It had only been when his father came into his room, carrying some breakfast and asked Remus why he was packing the Muggle way instead of just using his wand, that he had remembered.

Remus scowled as the image of his mothers face flew into his mind as he walked down the narrow hallways of the Hogwarts Express looking for his friends.

After what seemed like forever to Remus, he opened the door of the last compartment to see a laughing James and Peter, and a sullen looking Sirius.

"Remus!" Sirius barked, jumping out his seat and running to the werewolf. "Where were you?"

"I was late," Remus choked out. "Sirius, I can't breathe with you hugging me so tightly."

Sirius instantly let go and walked back to his seat, pushing Peter's legs off to make room for Remus.

"You, Remus Lupin, were late?" James Potter said, grinning at his friend who sat across from him. "And how on earth did that happen?"

"My mother came back home."

The grins instantly fell off the faces of the three boys.

"When?" Sirius asked softly, looking Remus in the eyes.

"Two days ago."

"What did your dad do?" Peter asked him.

Remus told them all in great detail about how his father had insisted that life was going to be better now that his mother was back home and about how his father had never really stopped loving her. He told them that he couldn't kick her out if she made his dad happy.

"Do you think she'll leave again?" James asked him, digging into his newly bought chocolate frogs.

"I don't know," Remus replied, popping one into his mouth. He sighed as the chocolate drowned out his senses, making him feel very relaxed. "Can we please not talk about this anymore?"

They nodded their heads sadly, knowing all about the pain Remus's mother had put him and his father though after she had left.

"Oh, my God!" I can't believe we've been such gits!" Sirius shouted, raising himself to his feet. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOONY!"

He leapt onto his friend and gave him another bone crushing hug, laughing as James and Peter joined them.

"Thanks guys," Remus said, trying to catch the breath which had been knocked out of him. He laughed at the other three panting boys and they laughed along with him.

"We all got you something," James said, getting to his feet and pulling a knapsack down from the bars above his head.

"You didn't have to…" Remus replied, feeling awkward.

He hated getting gifts, hence why his father put his present in his son's trunk so he wouldn't have to open it in front of him. Remus would rather be the one giving gifts than taking them, even on his birthday.

"Well, I know how much you hate getting gifts, but to put it simply I don't give a shit, Remus. I saw it and thought of you. Here," James offered, handing Remus a small box.

He smiled at his friend, inwardly whopping because it was so small. He unwrapped the paper carefully, not tearing it once. The box was more grand than any box Remus had ever seen. It was a baby blue with gold lettering across it which said: _'Buildings Jewellery"_

The seventeen-year-old looked up to James with a dumbfounded expression. He didn't, he did _not _get that. James just grinned at him and motioned for him to open the box. Remus sighed, looking down at the box again.

_Remus sighed, looking down at the box again, then started to open it slowly and removed the lid from the top to see _The white gold cross he had been saving up for.

"Come on, put it on! Pads and I want to see. We got it together, saving our money after you showed it to us, thinking that it would be the perfect coming of age gift."

James and Sirius grinned at him. Remus, meanwhile, was blushing a deep scarlet. He didn't think that they would remember something such as this, had been sure they would forget. Really, he should have given more credit to the two of them.

He lifted the small chain, letting the cross slide down until it hung in the air.

"Do you like it?" Sirius asked.

All Remus could was nod. He smiled at his two friends, trying to show how grateful he was.

"And no, we're not going to take it back. You have to keep it or me and James will never talk to you again."

He looked to his friends to see them still grinning.

"Just kidding, Moony. But we _will _be really upset and there's no way we're going to take it back." Sirius assured him. He took the necklace from Remus's hands, undid the clasp and slid it around the werewolf's neck.

"Perfect," James said, watching the cross fall. It dropped two and a half inches from Remus's collar bone, just where he had told them he wanted it to hang. "Like it?"

Remus's eyes were filled with tears as he looked up to his friends.

"It's the best gift anyone's ever gotten me," he said, trying to hold back the tears.

"Now, now, Moony. No need to cry."

"I can't help it. It's what we pouf's do," he laughed. Remus had told his friends last year how he had discovered that he was gay. He was so nervous, even thinking of the past event made him get butterflies in his stomach. At least he knew he wouldn't puke like he did before he told them. They had all been really accepting, telling him how they had thought for awhile that he was. He, of course, didn't tell them who he fancied. He lied and said Amos Diggory in Ravenclaw.

James, Peter and Sirius laughed at the werewolf who was in near tears.

Peter then stuck out a lumpy red and gold wrapped package to Remus. "It's not a necklace or anything, but I know that you'll like it."

Remus smiled at his littlest of friends and took the package. He grinned widely as he saw the familiar lavender wrapping. He tore the rest of the paper away, and instantly started to unwrap the chocolate. "Thanks Peter!" He exclaimed, sticking a piece of his very favourite chocolate in his mouth.

You could only get it in Hogsmeade at Honeyducks and he spent the summer with only one bar to help his cravings. He sighed and let it melt in his mouth. They all laughed at him while his eyes slid shut in ecstasy.

"You know, for someone who eats as much of this stuff as you do, you sure are skinny." Sirius said, holding up the second bar of chocolate.

"Yeah, it's because I don't eat for a day before and after the full moon. Can't keep anything down." Remus replied, eyes still closed.

"Talking about the full moon…how was it this month?" James asked him.

Remus's eyes flew open as pain shot down his back where his bite was still as bad as it had been the morning after the full moon.

"It was… okay, I guess."

He felt bad for lying to his friends, but they worried about him enough. He didn't want it to plague their minds like it had his. "Some bites, some cuts. That's it," he said, giving them a smile, trying to reassure them that he was fine.

"You sure, Moony?" Peter asked.

Remus nodded his head and gave them a wider smile. From then on the train ride passed with laughs and sleepy yawns. Just as they finished changing into their Hogwarts robes the train stopped at Hogsmeade station.

"Alright boys, let our last year begin!"

On that note James left the compartment, Peter followed him rushing to grab his things. Remus and Sirius laughed at the small boy.

"Doesn't let him out of his sight." Remus chuckled, grabbing his own things and waiting by the door for Sirius to do the same.

"Yeah," Sirius said, walking toward him. While passing him he leaned into Remus and whispered, "by the way, your hair looks great." He passed a now blushing Remus and walked into the crowd. "Coming?" He called to him.

Remus nodded his head, following his friend.


	2. Difficult

**A/N **Wow! I'm so sorry that it took so long, but I hope the wait for worth it! Please read and review! It will make me update faster, I promise!

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**Disclaimer: **I, nor does anyone else, own Harry Potter or any of the characters made by J.K. Rowling. I only own the plot, and the OC's.

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Remus' heart was beating faster than it should have been at the time like this. The Sorting was happening, and Sirius's knee was resting against his own. He felt a blush creep up into his cheeks as he thought of how warm, and inviting that knee was. Sirius looked at him and grinned, shoving his knee into Remus' with a light chuckle. Remus smiled back, and shoved his knee, sending the warmth away. Sighing, he clapped for the newly appointed first years.

His stomach gave a hungry growl as potatoes, chicken, and lamb appeared in front of him making his mouth water with the smell.

"Hey, Remus, how was your summer?" Susan Carmikle said, leaning over and resting her chubby hand over his long fingered one. Remus glanced up from his plate and smiled at her.

"Very good, thank you Susan. And yours?" he asked her.

"Alright I guess…" She blushed and looked at their overlapping hands. "I missed some people."

"Yeah, it's good to be back."

She gave him one last smile then removed her hand from atop of his and turned back to talk to her friends.

"Merlin, will she ever let up? I mean, c'mon! You two went on one date, like a year ago, and she still doesn't leave you alone!" Sirius said, giving Susan an annoyed look.

"Not jealous are we?" James asked.

Though Remus could hear the joke in James' voice, his heart still gave an involuntary leap at the thought of Sirius being jealous over some girl who liked him.

"No! I'm just looking out for poor Moony here! I mean, she just _ogles_him all the time! Does she not get that _he doesn't like her?"_Sirius said the last bit loud enough for Susan to hear, she turned to him giving him a nasty look.

"Shut up Sirius!" Remus shot, giving Sirius' knee another jolt from his own.

"What? I can say whatever I want." he retorted.

Remus sighed at turned back to his food, but he no longer felt hungry, the whole ordeal that had just happened turned him off the idea of his food.

"Moony?" Peter asked. "Can you smell what's for dessert?"

Remus lifted his head and sniffed the air, focusing his thoughts on the kitchens below them. His lips lifted into a smile as he smelt the familiar scent of chocolate.

"Chocolate cake, pudding, and …pecan pie."

Peter gave him a very large toothy grin to thank him.

--*--

"My, my, the house elves really outdid them self this year… that was incredible!" James said, launching himself onto his four-poster bed.

"Yeah, it really was. That pecan pie was amazing!" Peter groaned, rolling onto his bed and closing his eyes.

"Really Peter, you're ready for bed already? It's the first night back!" Sirius exclaimed, jumping onto the bigger boy.

"I'm tired. It's been a long day."

"No, it has not! We were on a train for hours, and then came the feast, and then this. How was that long?"

"The train for hours part?" James asked, lifting himself up into a sitting position.

"You really are smarter than you look." Peter added, pushing Sirius off of him.

"You two are boring. What about you Moony, what do you fancy doing?" Sirius enquired, turning his body to look at the young werewolf sitting on his bed with his neatly folded pyjamas beside him.

"Crawling into bed and sleeping. I haven't gotten much sleep since the wicked-witch of the east came home, remember?" he replied, walking over to the bathroom which was right across from his bed.

"Blimey, you're all so boring!"

"The only reason you're bored is because you haven't _'gotten any'_ since last term." James laughed, putting air quotations around the words.

"Yeah…" Sirius sighed, trailing off and looking at the closed bathroom door.

--*--

Remus was ready for school to begin. Remus had missed it terribly over the summer holiday, and needed to learn again. Remus knew this year was going to hard, but he was excited for the challenge. James, Sirius, and Peter on the other hand… well, he didn't know how long they were going to last without asking to copy his homework.

Sighing while getting out of bed, he made his way across the cold stone floors to the bathroom. Remus walked into a very hot, steamy, and nice smelling room.

"Hello?" Sirius called from one of the showers.

Remus gulped. First day back and he was already starting to lose it, if Sirius came around the corner he was going to have to leave and wait for him to finish up. Just as this thought finished the water stopped running and Sirius walked around the corner wearing a pale yellow towel loosely around his waist. Remus couldn't help but watch the beads of water make their way down Sirius' smooth, toned body and disappear under the towel. He looked helplessly at his friend.

"I - uh…" he stuttered, feeling his cheeks start to burn.

"One of those mornings?" Sirius asked, waggling his eye brows and walking over to the sink, grabbing his tooth brush and tooth paste.

"What? - Oh, no. Just have to pee." Remus replied rather stupidly.

"Well, no one's stopping you."

"Right." He walked over the tiled floors and to the toilet in the corner of the room.

"So, how was your sleep?" Sirius asked him, mouth filled with foamy toothpaste.

"Alright, it's good to be back. I missed the bed to tell you the truth."

"Yeah." Sirius spat into the sink. "Me too, the bed at James' isn't very comfortable. Too soft." He rinsed his mouth out with cold water and dried off his mouth with the back of his hand.

Remus finished his business and pulled his pants back up around this thin waist. He tied the draw string as tight as he could and turned around. Sirius was staring at him.

"You know, you really have got to get a new pair of trousers. Those are falling off of you." he said, looking up to meet Remus' eyes. He walked over to him with a sad face. "How much weight did you loose, Moony?"

Remus paused for a minute. He'd lost ten pounds this summer. More than usual, all of the transformations had been really hard on him. "None." He replied, walking over the sink and grabbing his tooth brush.

"Don't lie to me, Remus." Sirius said sternly. "I can tell. You're skin and bones. You don't look good."

"Oh, thanks Padfoot. That gives me a load of confidence." he replied sarcastically.

"You know I don't mean it that way. You always look good…" Sirius trailed off and Remus could have sworn that he had blushed, but Black's never blushed. "You just… you're too skinny."

"Pads, I'm fine, really."

Remus started to brush his teeth, he knew he wasn't really okay, he had no energy, it was a challenge just to get out of bed lately. Remus grew nervous thinking about all of the stairs he was going to have to start climbing.

--*--

"Oh, the first breakfast of the year is always the best!" Peter exclaimed when him, James, Remus and Sirius sat down at their table in the Great Hall.

"Pete, we have the same thing every morning. There's always just lots to chose from." James said, yawning and grabbing a piece of toast.

"Yeah I know, but it always better on the first morning…" He looked off dreamily then grabbed four pieces of toast and bacon.

"I agree with Pete, it always seems better." Sirius added, taking his own helping of eggs and toast.

"You two are crazy. It's the same every morning." James answered, taking another piece of toast while staring at Lily Evens.

"James, mate, you've got to give it up. You've tried to get her for six years, don't you think that's enough?" Sirius asked.

"Why? Why after six years do I have to give up? I know she loves me, she just hasn't figured it out yet…" he replied, sticking the toast into his mouth and ripping off a piece.

"Well, if you keep eating like that ..." Remus said, raising an eyebrow at his messy haired friend. He had to give him credit, James still hadn't given up in six years, and he was ready to give up after only a year. Remus wished that he was that confident. He sighed and looked down at his plate.

"Not hungry, Moony?" Sirius asked, pointing to Remus's plate and giving him a knowing look. Remus' stomach did a flip as he answered.

"No, not really. I think I'm just going to go -" He started to stand till a firm grip on his shoulder pushed him back down.

"Not so fast, Mr. Lupin. I still have to give you your time table for the year." Remus took the slip of parchment from the Professor and looked it over. He had two Potions blocks back to back, a spare block, then Transfiguration and then Divination.

"Nice!" James said after he took Remus' sheet from his hands. "Awe, man, I don't have a spare block at the same time as you and Pads!" James passed Remus' time table back to him and sulked.

Remus' stomach was still flipping. Why did he have to have a spare block with Sirius? It could have been anyone else!


End file.
